Franz Josef Glacier

Is it a town, is it a natural feature?? It's both!

Yes, the town Franz Josef Glacier is situated 4km from the base of Franz Josef glacier (the glacier, if you see what I mean). We climbed up this afternoon and it is quite impressive - 13km of ice descending from the snowy peaks of the adjacent mountains.

Now I am sitting in a single decker Internet bus, which has to be the coolest internet spot in the world. I have wet glacier feet and it is pissing down outside. Brrr... Think I might have to show the local barman how to make a proper hot whiskey.

Punakaiki

I left St. Arnaud the next afternoon (after climbing up the highest local mountain) and headed for Punakaiki, which is famous for its blowholes. Stayed in the most chilled YHA this side of Ulan Bator and hooked myself up with a lift in another camper van, this time with 2 English blokes and a German who were all headed the same way. We stopped by the blowholes, which didn't blow and drove down the west coast, though Greymouth, Westport and Hokitika. A stunning coastline with amazing amounts of driftwood and general flotsam and jetsam strewn along the beaches.

St. Arnaud

Today I relearned the meaning of Karma.

It was a beautiful morning in Nelson and I decided it was a perfect day for hitching to the west coast. Little did I know that the motorway starts about 8km outside of Nelson, so with my 15kg backpack I staggered along the port till I could see the hallowed motorway sign.

My first chauffeur was a Dutchman, living in NZ for the last 18 years, previously an engineer, now a beekeeper. And why not? He brought me the 8km as far as Richmond. Hey, only 200km to go. No worries.

My second lift took the shape of a battered old pick-up truck with a septuagenarian driver with an amazing similarity to Santa Claus. He was a born again Christian and I didn't realise I said "Jesus" that much until he dropped me off, looked me in the eye and told me if I used the lord's name in vain then I would end up in the fiery depths of hell. He also told me he had been there (due to a botched medical operation and a temporary heart stoppage) and that it was a nasty place. I thanked him and ran for cover.

Now I was standing outside a police station in Wakefield (25km from Nelson), it's 3pm and about 2 cars a minute are going by.

Thoughts:
"Hmm, that tree over there looks nice and comfy to sleep in"
"Didn't someone once tell me they had slept in a police cell in Austria?"
"Hope it doesn't rain"
"Maybe if I unbutton my shirt I will encourage some more rides?"
"Help"

Anyway, after dancing around, smiling like a Cheshire cat at the oncoming drivers (probably counter-productive), writing a sign "House trained" and finally just looking very sad and lost, an English couple turned up in a camper van. They tell me they are taking a scenic route around the mountains and that they can bring me closer to the west coast. So I hop in and decide to just go with the flow. We drive through some beautiful scenery, over mountains and through glacier valleys and about an hour later they need to go east and I need west. I jump out, say my thank yous and look around. I was 4km away from St. Arnaud, on a road that does actually lead to the west coast, but it looked like about 2 cars a week would pass by. But the scenery and the sunset shining on the hill tops was so stunning that I was absolutely in heaven. It was really like a scene out of Lord of the Rings. Within 2 minutes a local couple stopped for me (without even having my thumb out) and brought me into St. Arnaud, which is situated on the northern banks of a stunning glacial lake. There was a YHA there, a shop and a hot tub and within about an hour of getting out of the camper van I was checked into the YHA, sitting in the hot tub with a glass of fine NZ Merlot in my hand and looking at one of the most amazing Mountain vistas I have ever seen.

This was a place that I was not going to go to until I got there. Cue rolling stones:
"You can't always get what you want, but if you try, sometimes you get what you need".

Nelson

I arrived in Nelson and the sun was shining, the leaves were turning gold and the boulevards were covered with artistic types selling paintings / jewellery / crafts / home made cookies. The leafy streets were lined with cafes which serve immaculate espressos and cappuccinos and generally Nelson exuded a "come live here" kind of feeling. To the north of Nelson is a lovely beach and all around the town are rolling forested hills.

I spent a day a two just wandering around, soaking up the atmosphere and generally enjoying myself. After this I decided it was time for some more hard work and physical punishment so I decided to walk the Abel Tasman Track (one of the 9 great NZ tracks).

So I packed my sleeping bag, bought some provisions and rocked up to the start of the track on a Saturday morning. It started off pissing rain but within an hour or two the sun came out and I was walking along deserted golden beaches. 7 hours and 2 estuary crossings (which I performed with only my underwear and a fleece on) later I arrived at Bark Bay hut only to find that there was no electricity, no cooking equipment and no cutlery. I was the only one there, so it was an early night after a delicious tin of cold baked bins and a banana. The next morning was also beautiful - sunny, warm and everything that a November day would not be back in Europe. 4 Hours of tramping and I was in the next hut by lunchtime (1 tin of cold spaghetti, consumed using a couple of Ritz crackers). This time another group arrived (One Tasmanian girl, a German guy and an English bloke, strange combo), they had torches and cooking equipment so my evening was saved. We were still in bed by 7pm which I think is my new official record since turning 18.

We had to get up at 6am the next morning to cross the final estuary, because it is impassable more that 2 hours either way of low tide and that bastard low tide had decided to be at 5am that day. 2pm that afternoon and we hiked along the last beach and arrived at the end of the track. 35km, two and a half days and it was absolutely sensational. Well worth it (even taking the cold baked beans into account).

Kaikoura

I arrived in Picton in my own personal iceblock from the 3 hour trip from Wellington. I was thinking about hitching down to Kaikoura, but the prospect of standing in the driving rain for hours on end dampened my desire.

Finally arrived in Kaikoura mid afternoon and shock, horror it was sunny. Got myself a bed and signed on for the dolphin swimming the next morning.

7am the next morning and there was condensation on the insides of the bedroom window it was that cold. Hiked down to the tour company and within a couple of minutes I was donning a wet suit that was a) very wet b) quite smelly and c) absolutely fooking freezing. We were reassured that the water was 13 degrees warm / cold. We quickly got on the boat and motored out. After about 10 minutes we could see this foaming mass approaching us rather quickly. The skipper shouted "Out, Out" sounded some bells and seconds later we were plopping into the water like blubberous Navy Seals.

I put my mask on and stuck my head under water. Nothing happened for a minute or two and suddenly from out of the waters ahead of me about 20 dolphins started pelting towards me at full speed. I felt like a toddler on an Autobahn. They headed straight for me and a split second before I was going to be impaled on a dusky dolphin snout, they flicked their tails and missed me by inches. On their way past they actually turned their heads and caught eye contact with me, as if to say "What the fuck are you doing down here white boy"?

They were gone in seconds and we swam back to the boat, scrambled on and headed off to catch them again. We repeated the process about 3 times (enough time so that our body temperature had come close to the water temperature). The last time the dolphins had slowed down and were just milling around, so when we jumped in they really started to swim with us and to check us out. The eye contact was just incredible. After we got back in the boat some of the dolphins started doing their acrobatics - just throwing themselves out of the water and crashing back in on their heads / tails / sides / whatever. One even did a backflip, which I got on camera. Cue upcoming National Geographic Nature Photo of the Year award.

2 hours later we were back on dry land, 2 people had puked and one girl had an uncanny resemblance to a corpse. I went back to the hostel and relaxed in the hot tub for the rest of the day. Great stuff.

Australia Pics

So, here's what Australia looks like...

Wellington

Home of the Welly boot and also a contender for the "Worlds quietest capital" crown, Wellington is wet and windy like an incontinent cow. My three t-shirts, a short sleeved shirt and one fleece jumper inventory had to be stocked up a bit in the winter woolies department as it is cold enough to freeze the cahones off a Kiwi here. Wellington is very pleasant all the same, with lots of cafes, bars and restaurants dotted around the tiny inner city. To the west are the suburbs which are situated on a hill overlooking the whole city and the harbour off to the east. Actually reminds me of Zurich a bit.

Off to the South Island on the ferry tomorrow.

Tongariro Crossing

After my 30 minutes of adrenaline I needed to do something quiet and soothing to relax, so I decided to hike across some mountains, doing the so called Tongariro Crossing, which is 17km long and considered NZ's best one day walk.

The alarm clock rang @ 6am and the usual "what the hell am I doing this for feeling" kept me attached to the bed like glue, but somehow I managed to escape its huge gravitational forces and was sitting in a cold bus fifteen minutes later. The bus takes you to the start of the trek (or "tramp" as the Kiwis call it), kicks you out and waits on the other side of the mountain range 8 hours later.

So off I set with my hiking boots, rain jacket, a litre of water, two apples and a mars bar for company. It started off dark and damp, but within about an hour the sun came out and was blazing down. I made good progress and was overtaking people left, right and centre, which scared me a little as I had a niggly feeling that I might be forgetting to pace myself. I reached the first plateau after about an hour and off to my right and up about 700 meters was the summit of New Zealand's most active volcano - Mt. Ngauruhoe. For those of you not in the know, Mt. Ngauruhoe was used as Mt. Doom in the filming of the Lord of The Rings, so it is quite famous these days. The bus driver had told us not to attempt to climb it as there wasn't enough time to do the Tongariro crossing AND climb Ngauruhoe. Being a natural born anarchist, I said f**k it and climbed it.

One and a half hours of scrabbling up volcanic scree on all fours, three quarters of a kilometre vertical ascent and by the time I reached the top I felt like Edmund Hillary conquering Everest. The damn thing is 2300m high. To make matters worse, every 20 minutes a helicopter would fly by with 10 "too much money to care" tourists on board taking happy snaps of the summit and me. I think I might be featuring in a couple of Japanese photo albums this summer.

The summit is a huge crater and there are steaming vents all over the place. The smell of brimstone is rather pungent. No time to waste, still 13km to go and it's already midday. So I surf down the mountain on a wave of shale, listening to Serge Gainsbourg - Je t'aime on my iPod. Truly one of the most surreal moments of my life. On the way down I pass about 10 people all struggling for breath on the ascent. They look at me as if I am a deranged contestant in some mountain triathlon.

A hop, skip and a jump later and I pass the Tongariro south crater, then the north crater, the emerald lakes (stunning), the blue lake (blue) and I am suddenly in the last hut on the tramp at 13:30. I guzzle down about 2 litres of water and press on towards the end. Finally, 6 hours 45 minutes after I started, I hike out of the rainforest and into the carpark. I felt like a hostage seeing the day of light after 2 years in captivity. My legs felt like jelly and when I told the Maori bus driver of my feat, he just replied "Fair dinkum, bro".

My legs still hurt, but the stunning scenery, rugged mountains and lush rainforests made for one of the most memorable days on my journey thus far.

Taupo

After taking planes, trains and automobiles, I decided it was time to try my hand (fnar, fnar) at hitching. I hiked down the main drag exiting Rotorua and within about 2 minutes of sticking my thumb in the air I was sitting in a comfy 4x4 hurtling towards Taupo. The guy who gave me the lift was responsible for health and safety at the local logging company. He told me it was all a load of bullshit and that the loggers should know how to look after themselves without him having to tell them...

Taupo is famous for 2 things: Trout and Skydiving. An incongruous combination.

Yes, lake Taupo has more Brown & Rainbow trout than any other lake in the world and due to some reason unbeknownst to me, Taupo is THE place to skydive in NZ, if not the world.

So folks as you can probably guess, I wasn't to be denied my chance of jumping out of a fully functional plane. So I signed up - it is the first form to the best of my knowledge which right after your name, wants to know the name, address and telephone number of your next of kin - very reassuring. There was the choice of 8000, 12000 or 15000ft and of course those of you who claim to know me, will have correctly assumed that I went straight to 15000ft. We arrived at the aerodrome, donned our sexy jumpsuits (so that's where the word originated...), stuck an industrial strength harness on and jumped onto the tiny plane with our tandem instructor. The journey up was uneventful, except for the fact that you could see a look of wild panic in some faces and a general air of "what the f**k am I doing here" hung heavily in the unpressurised cabin.

The first group bailed out @ 12000ft and that was a shock in itself - seeing people being sucked out of the plane like a tissue into a vacuum cleaner. Most of the instructors did some kind of backflip, triple axle exit which made the rest of us left on the plane look at each other and smile faintly. 5 minutes later and we were up to 15000ft, the green light above the door started to flash and before I could blink the first people were being jettisoned out the door. I was paddy last, we knelt down in front of the door, turned around for our last "exit photo" (the one the next of kin gets posted when your air exit turns into a speedy ground entrance) and even before the weak smile had left my face I was doing a double front flip, thundering towards the ground at approximately 200kmh with a small Bostonian strapped to my back.

It was amazing. Incredible. Just unbelievable. Think the wildest rollercoaster ride of your life, multiply by 4000 and you still aren't close. You can't even hear yourself scream as the air rushing into your lungs at 200kmh makes it rather difficult to make any sound. 50 seconds later and the freefall was over and my instructor pulled the cord and it felt like we shot back up (obviously impossible considering laws of gravity etc.). Way below us we could see lake Taupo glistening and some of the volcanoes in the distance. 2 minutes later and the instructor had enough confidence (or was mad enough) to let me steer the parachute. So I started doing all sorts of rolls and spins and was then promptly removed from control by a rather unnerved yank. We landed safely, on my bum, which was a rather ignominious end to my trip, but the smile didn't leave my face until about 8 hours after.

Do it again? Most definitely.

Waikato

2 hours west of Rotorua, the Waikato region is famous for its extensive cave system. And this being New Zealand, the Kiwis have naturally found some way of turning cold, dark caves into an adrenaline pumping experience. They call it "Black water rafting". It involves getting dressed up in a wet suit thick enough to make you look like the Michelin Man, putting so called "Goofy boots" on, sticking your arse in a tractor inner tube and throwing yourself into the river that flows through the cave. The water is cold enough to leave you wondering if you are still a man when you get out 2 hours later, but it is still a great buzz. The caves are mainly famous for their Glowworms which are all over the place and one of the most spectacular moments involved turning our helmet lights off and just staring at the roof of the cavern. It was honestly like looking at the night sky. A veritable Glowworm Milky way.

Rotorua

6 months on the road today and it feels like about 2...

If Satan is ever looking for a summer house, then he will no doubt choose Rotorua as the prime location. The smell of sulphur hangs heavily in the air here and the first day I was sure everone was eating hard boiled egg sandwiches on the sly.

Auckland

A barman asked me tonight how my day was. This is the first time in my living memory that a complete stranger has asked me this. This is generally how the New Zealanders are - friendly. Moreso than the Ozzies and not superficially so like the Yanks. It's probably like Ireland 30 years ago.

On the subject of barmen, it also just occurred to me that no matter what colour liquid we pour into our bodies, it always comes out a shade of clearish-yellowishliness. Pour black as the ace of spades Guinness in and hey presto 20 minutes later you will have transparent pee. What happens the colour?? Oh well, whatever... nevermind.

Off to Rotorua tomorrow for some mudfights.

Paihia

Paihia is the main town in the middle of the so called "Bay of Islands" one of the North Island's most famous attractions. And indeed there is a Bay and it is full of likkle Islands. But it is very scenic, with sailing boats milling round the place and lots of lush, verdant island spotted around up to the horizon. I took a trip up to Cape Reinga which is the most northerly point in the whole of New Zealand. It is also where the Tasman sea meets the South Pacific, so right in front of the headland there is a huge mass of surging white water and waves breaking in every which way as the two bodies of water try to get the upper hand. It's an absolutely stunning area, with more sheep than humans and loads of forests and hills dotted around. On the way back we took some boogie boards out and sandboarded down a 40 meter sand dune which had a gradient of about 45 degrees. I felt like someone had scrubbed me with sandpaper afterwards. Then we hurtled down 90 mile beach back towards Pahia in the evening. Our guide was called Howie, a Maori and completely off his head. He sang Maori songs all day long and told us jokes with no discernable punchlines. Great Day.

Whangarei

3 hours up the coast (in a bus where you are not allowed to eat or drink (bloody bus nazis)) is Whangarei, a quiet little town with an even quieter youth hostel. In fact the only reason to stop here is if you want to dive the Poor Knights islands, which were rated by Jacques Cousteau as having some of the best diving spots in the world. So I did so and encountered the delights of cold water diving for the first time. Decked out in a thick wet suit, sexy rubber booties and a hood, I felt like James Bond about to invade the beaches of North Korea, but it was worth it as the 2 dives were excellent. I spotted a Stingray for the first time and they are absolutely beautiful, they really do "fly" underwater, flapping their wings like a lazy albatross. Needless to say when I surfaced after the second dive I had parts of my body which shouldn't have been THAT blue...

The other great thing about Whangarei is that the manager of the youth hostel - John, is a very kind 70 year old grandfather of 10. John also has an eyebrow piercing and a tongue piercing to boot. He wears skateboard shoes and says "cool" quite a lot. In fact he is without doubt the worlds coolest 70 year old. Apparently he was in the states 10 years ago doing some building work (and why not?) and his younger colleagues suggested the image change. He agreed and off they popped to the nearest piercer. He skydives, scuba dives and makes the rest of us look pretty much wet behind the ears.

Auckland, New Zealand

"Welcome to New Zealand: Adrenaline Junkie Heaven" was written on the greeting billboard in Auckland. Not quite your "Guinness is good for you" in Dublin, but quite catchy all the same. Within about 2 hours of walking around the city I was also completely convinced that this is one of the truest slogans ever written, Auckland must be the only city in the world where:

* You can climb UP the harbour bridge (complete with funky uniforms and tether lines)
* Bungy Jump OFF the harbour bridge
* Climb UP the communication tower (280m up in the sky, the first 240 of which are done in the elevator, the next 40 are done by climbing the service ladder)
* Jump OFF the communication tower
* Be shot INTO the air on a reverse bungy in the middle of a downtown carpark

Absolutely insane. Whereever you look around there are people jumping off things. Lemming heaven.