Driving me mad
Now I've played automotive russian roulette while crossing the street in Saigon. I've ridden on top of a laden bus for 5 hours in Burma. I've even risked life and limb crossing the roundabout in front of the Arch de Triomphe...
But it's all nothing compared to the insanity on Irish roads.
Some of my favourites are:
* Using mobile phones while driving: Driving is a complex process at the best of times but Irish drivers seem to like to spice things up by driving with a mobile phone stuck to their left earlobe. Shifting gears is so much more fun when you have to dislocate a shoulder while changing. Even more fun is the Dublin Bus / Bus Eireann drivers who seem to be oblivious to the fact that carrying 60 souls is an onerous responsibility and one which is probably best conducted with both hands on that gigantic steering wheel.
* Parking on the hard shoulder to use mobile phone: So instead of breaking one law, some drivers think it is better to break another and simply stop on the motorway hard shoulder to have a long chat with their second cousin twice removed. Most seem semi-aware of the use of the hard shoulder so they stick their hazard lights on. Fat lot of use that will be if a truck's tyre blows out and has to career off onto the hard shoulder to save himself.
* Parking on cycle lanes: As above, they are called CYCLE lanes for a frigging reason, because they are for CYCLISTS. Not for PARKING your fat Mercedes 'cos you can't be arsed looking for a proper parking spot.
* Not turning lights on: It might be pitch dark outside, but most Irish drivers seem to have an inner clock which tells them that they can only turn their lights on when it is 6pm. News to drivers: Driving with your lights on AT ANY TIME of day is actually proven to be safer. Look at those sensible Scandinavians whose cars have their lights on permanently and have admirable road safety statistics.
* Using foglights when there is no fog: Do you use SNOW Chains when there is no SNOW?? Do you use your HEATING when it is HOT???? Do you use your SLEEPING bag when your are having a shower???? NO. I REPEAT NO. N fecking O. So why the f**k are you using your FOG lights when there is no FOG????? It is like a retarded leprechaun, it's not big and it's not clever. Even if you are driving a Blue Metallic Citroen Saxo with go faster stripes and neon blue colours emenating from underneath your car.
Some other people with this problem:
Fog lights
More fog lights
* Not using fog lights when there is fog: Proving there are as many idiots as the day is long I have actually witnessed the two last problems cancel each other out and I have seen people driving in a daytime peasouper without ANY lights on (not even FOG lights). Their naive driving brain must scream "DOES NOT COMPUTE" as they see fog in daylight. "Ooh no, it's fog which means fog lights, but it's daytime so I can't use my lights"
* Stopping on a yellow grid: There is a reason why the county councils get loads of expensive painters out to draw funky waffles on the street. It means "DO NOT STOP HERE". Sometimes they realise that drivers are overtaxed with handling a car anyway so they write "DO NOT ENTER UNLESS CLEAR" on the road as well. Sometimes that doesn't help either so they will errect 10 signposts leading up to the traffic box warning the drivers. Of course this information doesn't last long in the goldfish like memory of car drivers so hey presto they drive right into the middle of the box and then get stuck in traffic, blocking the road for 50 other people that want to get past. Idiots.
