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Things that piss me off (in case you were interested, and if not then... who cares)


In no particular order...

Mobile phone accessories

OK, admittedly mobiles are damn useful, sometimes even vital, but they are:

A) Not toys
B) Not to be treated as a fashion accessory.
C) Not to be displayed publically, especially not in a clear case strapped to your belt (except if you are a network administrator (then it is perfectly acceptable))

So please write to your local politician and ban these things:

Mobile phone chairs: So you really need to put your phone in a deck chair, do you? I bet your colleagues are really jealous when they see that on your desk? Especially the one with the flashing lights!! Mmm. How tasteful.

Press on covers : Michael Schumacher is without doubt a great formula one racing driver, but a) he is woefully ugly, and b) do you really want to see his face every time someone calls you??? This goes for all pop-star, football, winnie the pooh, kiss me quick, I am so fucking witty union jack etc. etc. covers. Repeat after me, Mobile phone covers ARE NOT COOL. Damn Nokia for ever inventing them.

Phone cases : If fax machines were reduced in size, would you then wear one on your waist? I think not. Phones are telecommunication tools, and therefore do not belong in public view. They should be stowed safely in your back pocket / jacket / back pack / shoe / jam jar / arsehole, but NOT, and I repeat NOT paraded about on your belt as if nobody had ever seen one, and that you were showing the world something new.
Worse still: combining the phone case idea and the "lets make it wacky, by putting frogs on it" concept... I resign...

Mobile phone users that do not know how to regulate the ringing volume

So you are sitting there in the restaurant looking lovey-dovey into the deep turquoise pools of your partners' eyes and hey presto, Bach's symphony #3 strikes up at 120 dB at the next table. Everybody tries to ignore it, but somehow the harder you ignore it, the longer it takes the person to find the frigging phone. To make matters worse, the clever soul has customised the ringing tone to get louder after every ring, so that after 10 seconds the whitehouse is scrambling jets to the restaurant, fearing the Iraqis have created a new sonic weapon of mass destruction.

These people are of course not rocket scientists like myself and therefore have not discovered the secret menu for making the telephone silent. So for all those poor people out there I have made a little diagram:
Instructions
If you press the little red button you now have the power to make the phone silent. USE IT.

German shop opening hours

Update, Update: Due to my large scale campaigning and ranting about the subject, German shops now open until 20:00 on Saturdays!!

Want to go to buy a Pizza and a six pack at 20:15 on a Wednesday evening?

Well then son, I recommend you go to your local Pizzeria, cos you ain't going to be able to go to a Supermarket in Germany after 20:00 during the week. And because the employees in Germany aren't really motivated to sell, sell, sell - they stop letting people in in some shops @ 19:45... How modern.

Forget to buy Milk & Nappies for your baby on Friday evening and oversleep on Saturday?

Hard luck, because in case you don't live near a large train station, petrol station or an Airport, then you are stuck until 9:00 on Monday morning. Yes, believe it or not German shops close at 16:0020:00 (That's 8 PM for the Americans out there) on Saturday and don't open AT ALL on Sunday!! Cool. City people have the great loophole that in the train stations & airports one can buy everything, but only "traveller's needs" - that explains why they sell things like watermelons and bottles of whisky. Oh yeah and in Germany it is illegal to offer customers discounts (sorry: only twice a year - winter sale and summer sale).

Germany - a consumer's paradise...

The Irish Public Transport system

Update, Update: Also due to my extreme ranting Ireland is now building a Tram system (Luas) it is only 2 years past delivery date and about 3000% overbudget...

Sorry I forgot, there is none, therefore it can't piss me off.

Some facts:

Countries who don't use the metric system

12 Inches in a foot, 3 feet in a yard, 1640 yards in a mile

16 ounces in a pound, 14 Pounds in a stone, 94 stones in a ton.

Sorry people, the imperial system is SHITE. Illogical, impossible to work scientifically in and just basically crap.

George Bush

http://www.bushorchimp.com/

No comment.

British Xenophobia

"The dawn of a new error" was the Sun's (British Tabloid newspaper) comment on the coming of the Euro. I'm sure the Sun asked many an objective economist from various countries and then made a considered opinion, but then again they probably just thought fuck it, anything "European" must be bad. (Mini piss me off point #1: English people saying "in Europe they do things differently" or "Over in Europe..." - just in case you forgot, one fact that can never be changed is that the UK is in "Europe" if only geographically)

My favourite comment was "we'll lose our national Identity with the Euro". Well I've had a good few Euros in my pocket for the last couple of months and strangely enough I still feel very Irish. Come on England wake up, just cos you pay 3.50 Euro instead of 2.50 Pounds for your fish 'n chips, you are not going lose your national identity. Or do you really need to see the queen every time you buy a pint??

Existing narcotic legislation

It just doesn't work. How many examples does mankind have to see before realising that making something illegal only makes it more desired and therefore expensive. Try these:

Air Force One (The film)

What an utter catastrophe, even Arne Schwarzenegger Films are more realistic:

I'm sorry but the whole patriotic "President of America saves the world" is just too much to stomach